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Every mama has moments where she feels like she is failing in some way. I think we feel things a little more intensely, and with greater passion where our children are concerned. That’s where all of those awesome sayings come from about the power of a mothers love. With that awesome love though, comes a massive responsibility and, more often than we like or even admit, guilt. Mamas these days, oh we are good at comparing, and shaming, and guilting. We inadvertently do it to each other, and to ourselves. Social media has provided this awesome outlet to put lives on display and remind us of all the things we aren’t doing with or for our own kids (ya know all the things we would have to be super human to really accomplish all of anyways.)
One of my greatest feeling like I’m failing, guilt ridden, heart aches has been that I haven’t been able to have the same at home baby/toddler/mama one-on-one time with Riley that I had with Wyatt when he was little, before school routines, homework, and friends that are cooler than parents. Riley has been in daycare since he was born. I’ve hated it. It ripped my heart out to have to do it. That is just a reality of single mama life that I have had to learn to accept though. Granted I’ve had the best fellow mamas, family, daycare providers, and teachers ever for my boys and am SOOOO grateful for them every day. Those women who treat my babies like their own and who are also helping shape my littles into the men they are going to be. Still, it hasn’t done much for that little gnawing guilt, and to be honest, tiny bits of resentment I feel towards mamas who get to stay home with their babies (ok maybe its more than a tiny bit.)
On those rare sick days when the boys have to stay home from school, those are the times I get that one-on-one time that I love. The cuddle up, talk about their little lives, read books, just be still, quiet moments. Today was one of those days. In the midst of trying to work from my home office, I noticed things were a little too quiet. Usually for Riley this means you will find some sort of mayhem or disaster in his wake. Or, it means He is out attempting to hotwire a vehicle and plotting escape and world domination (yes that happened). I was shocked to find him quietly reading to himself in the corner. Curious George has been his favorite since he was born. So much so that He sometimes talks in monkey sounds and for many of his escapades (like works of art drawn on the walls) He often says He got the idea from George. He seems to find that a blanket excuse for all of his bad or creative behavior choices.
That little pocket of light and the moment were just too yummy to pass up. Of course I got yelled at for bugging him, but it was worth it. It was also a proud mama moment. I love that He chooses books over electronics, and art work on the walls instead of video games, or puddles of water across my kitchen from his “experiments”. I love that He has such an adventurous spirits (even if that means I’m gonna die young of a heart attack that I’m sure will be induced by one of his antics).
Perhaps Curious George isn’t such a bad role model after all, and perhaps I don’t need to be letting that silly guilt creep in as often as I do. Neither do any of you other mamas out there. Revel in the imperfection, and soak in the little moments that you get in the midst of REAL LIFE.
Canon 24mm 1.4L, Canon 5d Mark II, Natural yummy window light.
“Mo….m! Go ‘way! I’m weading!”
