.
” If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak Words of power, revealing all mysteries and making everything plain as day,
and even if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.
So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.”
If I am being entirely honest, I’ve struggled with writing this post tonight. I really didn’t want to. I am usually able to sit down and have words and emotions easily flow, but they aren’t coming so easily this week. But I am making myself because I need to. I had this great idea a few weeks ago to compose a “30 things I’ve learned in 30 years” happy-positive-bubbly-life-is-so-amazing-I have everything figured out post for my birthday blog this year. But here’s the thing, if I’m being 100% honest, I can’t write that. 2015 was, in many ways, a truly devastating year for me personally, and I entered 2016 determined to overcome it and begin my 30’s as hopefully as possible. Reality made me realize though, quite frankly, what I’ve learned in 30 years is that I really know very little at all. So I decided to simplify this whole what I’ve learned in 30 years concept. All I have is the now, all I have are my own experiences. My own broken, messed up, beautiful, amazing experiences.
In 30 years on this earth I’ve been blessed to experience ecstatic joy, excruciating pain, drastic change, relentless hate, wild adventure, brutal loss, crippling doubt, numbing fear, fierce passion, fairytale love, driving purpose, beautiful possibility, powerful faith, and inspiring determination. At the age of 30, Death has gone from being a distant notion, to a monster that has raged in my face relentlessly. I have lost friends, family, and loves. I have gained countless friendships, lessons, and successes. I have danced on mountain tops and ridden waves. I have been kissed at the top of a cliff in the pouring rain and witnessed sunsets that would make your head spin. I have adventured for thousands of miles that have filled my heart to the brim with possibility. I have been blessed with two boys that truly make my life worth living. At the age of 30 I have known more than one great love and experienced what it is to meet my souls mate on this earth. I’ve also known what it is to have to live without that person. I’ve felt time stop, and known the supernatural power of a single moment. I’ve made more mistakes than I could ever count, and known more forgiveness than I deserve. I am a daugher, sister, mother, lover, and friend. I am honored to have this life. To have this single moment now. To carry the responsibility of making a difference and making the most of what I am given. For tomorrow is not promised, and the pressure of knowing that now is all I have weighs heavy on me. To be content in the present and not seek to always find something better is a powerful thing.
What I have learned from all of that, from those experiences, is simply this:
LOVE
IS
EVERYTHING
Someone told me recently that believing in love was for people who believe in unicorns, Santa, and magic. But here’s the thing. I believe in magic. I know magic. I experience it every single day in those experiences that all make up who I am. Love is magic and it is everything. We must love, we are wired and created to. Our very hearts decide to even when our minds try to prevent it, even if it breaks us or causes us pain. Without it, all the other crap just doesn’t matter.
To live is to love, and to truly love is to fully live.
And that is all I have really figured out in my 30 years on this earth. Love. Love the crap out of everything and everyone.
