“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid” – Einstein.
Today was a day that I have been both anticipating and dreading for years. Today is the day that a doctor looked me in the eye and used that word and confirmed what I have known and been battling with Wyatt since he was two years old. What teachers, family, therapists, and doctors have recently also suspected and been battling alongside with me. Today a very kind Gentleman Dr. looked over the top of his glasses at me and stated seven simple words that were terrible and wonderful all at the same time. “Your son is on the autism spectrum”. I nodded. I didn’t really have anything to say. What do you say? Are you supposed to cry because your heart has just shattered for your baby? Are you supposed to say thank you and be happy that there are now answers and solutions? Perhaps all of the above? I chose a silent nod, because I just didn’t know and no matter which way you go, quite frankly, IT SUCKS.
I saved my breakdown for later and counted the minutes until the kids were fast asleep in their beds, friends had left, and work done. Then I found a quiet corner, I curled up, and I cried. I cried out of relief that there is finally forward motion and that he will soon be receiving the treatment and help he so desperately needs. I cried because after years of battling a certain person in Wyatt’s life who refuses to acknowledge the issues, who has called me “crazy”, and “retarded” when I suggest that they even exist, who has blamed me for every negative thing, that there is finally official validation of everything I have said, dealt with, and witnessed for YEARS. I cried because I know these battles are far from over. I cried because I know how some people are going to respond if this label officially gets attached to my beautiful brilliant little man. I know all to well the ignorance and the misconceptions that he is going to have to deal with.
“Being different is what sets you apart from everybody else in this world. It allows you to be unique. It allows you to process information in ways that people will never understand, and see things in ways that others would find unimaginable. It allows you to break free from the mould of society. You are not the same as anybody else, yet you are no different to anybody else. You are YOU… Don’t ever change!”
And Finally, I cried because I suddenly realized that I had been equipped for his in way that many are not blessed to be. Over the last two years while dealing with a horrible divorce, custody/legal battle, and moving back across the country a support system has slowly been building around us. A support system that meets some very specific needs and that can help Wyatt in ways that others can’t. Unlike many parents who are blindsided and confused by this, I already knew. I had a small sliver of hope that they still might just say it was a little processing or anxiety issue…but I knew. You see, I have a secret weapon in this battle. On top of this amazing unique support system of close friends with their own “spectrum” children, of amazing teachers and professionals who provide hours and hours of extra attention and flexibility, of our church, of family members who also knew and are equipped to handle it all, I have a brother who has a diagnosis very similar to what Wyatt received today. A brother who is amazing, kind, and brilliant and who has a unique connection with Wyatt. They just get each other. They communicate differently and there is a different level of respect between them that we have observed. I get to have the perspective of somebody who is now 18 and who has gone through much of what Wyatt is dealing with, who can give me advice and opinions and explain to me what Wyatt is experiencing in a way that nobody else can. In the mounting pile of Drs. forms, paperwork, crates of school work, and documents that are accumulating in my office related to all of this, the kind that would make any typical creative brain like myself run in sheer terror, I have a mother who herself has gone through the years of organizing information and educating herself. She’s kind of this paperwork ninja who can make organized sense out of anything. Wouldn’t know what to do without her. I am incredibly blessed to have this amazing support system that most people do not.
I remember being at a park when we lived in WA, and a mom saw Wyatt stimming (he toe walks and flaps his arms, sometimes walks in circles while doing it). She looked at me and pointed at him and said “What’s wrong with your son?”. I smiled as nicely as possibly and replied “Nothing. What’s wrong with yours?” She wasn’t my biggest fan after that. See here’s the thing I know about Autism. It sucks. It sucks because society general views it as an “abnormality” that something is “wrong” with the person that has this label attached to them. It is something unknown and misunderstood therefore the world fears it. Society has it ass backwards. The world demands that these children conform or fit into a certain mold to earn the extremely over rated title of “normal”. Schools place importance on ridiculous tests and scores that mean NOTHING about a persons true value. A persons worth is defined by how well they conform to the worlds current standards.
So in response to those methods and thinking here’s what I have to say :
Screw “normal”, screw your labels, and screw ignorance
So for anybody that’s curious. Here is a little bit of our daily life that most people don’t understand. Toes. Wyatt is always on his toes. This is one of his stims.
(Stimming is a repetitive body movement that self-stimulates one or more senses in a regulated manner.)
Flapping, Another type of stimming. When I used to try to remind him to stop (now I don’t because I realize he needs it to function right now), I used to jokingly say “Hey buddy watch out! You might fly away on me.”
